My mother-in-law passed away this week. Cancer is cruel. We all knew she was dying but we all hoped for more time with her. Cancer is cruel. The cancer attacked her liver and when that quit functioning she went very quickly. C is C. If you had seen her 2 or 3 weeks ago you would have known she was ill but she was still smiling, still participating. Suddenly the bottom dropped out.
It’s lucky she did not have to suffer long. It’s lucky she was able to say goodbye to a lot of friends and family. Now the rest of us have to realize that life does go on and we will have to go on as best we can without her. As time passes we will remember the good times more and more and our loss will be easier to handle.
My own mother died of natural causes after years of battling dementia. Dementia is cruel.
While both of these losses are hard to handle they are very different on the survivors. My mother was gone long before she died. She had ceased being the loving parent I remembered and was a crazy charicature of herself. I had years to mourn her passing from my life in a meaningful way before she was finally given the relief of death. My mother-in-law was a vibrant person up until the last month. Yes, the cancer had robbed her of energy and she couldn’t do everything she wanted to do in the last couple of years but she was there, in mind and body. This sudden loss is very different to handle. You can believe you have come to terms with her coming death but then it happens all too suddenly.
Is there a good way to die? My mother lived in a strange hell for a few years before she died. Yes, there were lucid moments when she was herself and I’m sure she enjoyed those moments with us. But it had to be hard to live in that demented mind and find much peace. She was terrified all too often with demons only she could see and with wierd movies playing constantly in her mind, robbing her of sleep and peace of mind. She spent a significant period of time over the last hew years being scared to death.
Is there a good way to die? My mother-in-law knew she was dying and that death was inevitable from her disease. I think it was probably a month ago that she realized just how quickly it was coming. What do you do? How do you handle things when all of the sudden you don’t have the energy? How do you tell people how much you care? How do you act when you know the end is near? Is this harder than my mother’s dementia? Both are cruel.
In the last couple of days my mother-in-law was alive my wife was there to help care for her. My wife told me that whenever she had to lean close to hear what her mother was saying, or to do something for her, her mother would rise up and give her a kiss. I’m crying. Such a simple little gesture that means so much. A simple gesture of pure love.
