Death in the Family, Part 4

This last year has been a real eye opener for me. A rush of emotions I wasn’t sure I had. First my wife’s sister dies suddenly, long before she should have.

Now my wife has moved to be with her parents as her Mother dies of cancer. Just last Thanksgiving her mother made a trip to Eqypt with her son Tim to see her son Kris and her two granddaughters Anna and Gabi. She loved to travel and had a wonderful trip. I think she probably knew it would be her last trip but the rest of us had no idea that her body was on the verge of failing her. What started as breast cancer years ago and had been in remission for years had come back with a vengence and attacked her back and her liver. It is her liver that has now stopped working and she is getting visably worse daily.

My own mother had a rather ugly death. A series of small strokes had left her with dementia and it turned a lovely woman into someone scared with what life would bring. Demons had taken control of her mind and her lucid moments were infrequent. It made her final days very strange I am sure but somehow it made it easier for me to say good bye and deal with her death.

My mother-in-law on the other hand has slipped away very quickly as her body has failed a still strong mind. For me it is harder to deal with because it was only a few days ago she was still strong enough to carry on a conversation, to laugh and joke. The speed of the decline has been amazing.

Life was so much easier when I was a little boy with my whole life in front of me. Now there is more life in my rear view mirror than in front of me. All the old cliches about making every minute matter come flooding through in times like this. If I wasn’t such a cranky old codger I would run around hugging people but I still feel quite a few years of crankiness ahead of me.

It’s such a sad time for my wife. Her mother was her best friend. She called her daily. I hope  this time with her mother allows her to get some closure. It will be a long time before she can put the hurt away and remember the good times. Grief is a powerful emotion and its hold is powerful.

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