Death in the family, part three

It’s strange dealing with death. I wasn’t close to this person but people I care a lot about were. I feel the loss and the pain. It’s difficult to keep running different scenarios through your head about what happened and what could have been done to avoid it. Even though, intellectually, I know there is little we could have done differently you still have to run these scenarios. You have to let your mind wrap around what has happened, you have to understand it from all angles, you hope you learn the warning signs, you hope you will act differently if you are in the same situation again. Even though you know, intellectually, that even acting differently would probably have brought the same result.

She had a disease. Her blood alcohol level was incredibly high. While I knew she had a drinking problem I assumed she drank often, hiding her drinking, and eventually passed out. Now I learn she drank large amounts of alcohol quickly. Neither scenario is good but the first means you’re a drunk, the second means you’re dead.

Out of ignorance I assumed she was a closet drunk and with some form of a 12 step program she could dry out and start a new phase of her life. I’ve never had experience with anyone with her type of problem. Everyone talks about being depressed but this type of depression is something I have heard about but never experienced.

In times when we need people the most our mind tells us to pull away. If we hide our problem no one will notice, if we act like their is nothing wrong we can fool people. Our mind tells us that when the time is right we will get the help we need. It’s a survival instinct that may work in some situations, but not with mental illness, not when our inner demons are trying to kill you.

Death in the Family, part 2

I think I’m still in a state of shock. We all know people who have problems. We help, offer help, ignore, turn the blind eye, whatever our response but we never expect a quick death.

A mother, age 52, with a son at home should not die.

I worry that family members will want to take the blame, “Why didn’t we see this coming”, “Why didn’t we do more”, “If only…” but they shouldn’t. They gave this woman their love, help, and support. It is a tragic accident.

I have always thought that the demons we all have are only slightly below the surface. When I see someone with problems I’m thankful my demons are still hidden. I try not to judge people when these demons have control unless they refuse to acknowledge their demons. If they realize their problems and are working to fight back against the demons I support them.

Life is a wonderful thing but it is so fragile. People can be taken from you  in the blink of an eye. When you think you have time to help, or to tell someone how much you care, suddenly the time is gone.

I was brought up a loner, by a loner mother, but I always knew I was loved. My family, although not the most emotional or close, was supportive in their own way of my hopes and dreams. When I married into this new family I was struck by the closeness of the family. I guess growing up on a farm, depending on each other, being close in age, had created a closeness I didn’t feel from my own family. But I did come to realize that the closeness was not as close as it seemed. Although they communicate frequently and support each other they do not really listen to each other. They all live their own lives and hide problems from each other just as much as most families.

I think most of them were shocked at the problems that led to their sister dying. The sister, although from a close family, obviously felt very alone. Their is no one in the family that would not have done anything they could to help her in any way they could. But the demons do not allow us to ask for help. The demons tell us they know best.

Death in the Family

My sister-in-law died last night. She had been battling drinking demons for a few years and last night the demons won.

She left behind two sons and one daughter. Two of the children are out of the house and on their own, the youngest at 16 is still at home. He’s very angry with his mother.

When I joined the family my sister-in-law was considered one of the fun ones. She always seemed happy and in a good mood. She was the oldest daughter in a family of 7. 4 boys and 3 girls. She was married twice. The first ended in divorce. Her second husband died a few years ago from H.I.V.

It is hard to understand how our demons will affect us and what sets them off. We all have them but most of us are able to keep them hidden and under control. Since her second husbands death it seems her demons had the upper hand. She comes from a family of drinkers but she had never seemed to drink to excess. I would have thought she was only a social drinker and don’t believe I ever saw her drunk. Over the last few years we started hearing stories of her being drunk early in the morning and of drinking till she passed out. Certainly not behavior I would have expected.

When we start looking back we will notice some of the tell tale signs. She had distanced herself from her family. I saw it as her being busy with her own life but now I have to wonder. At the time of her death she was again enrolled in a program to help her with her drinking problem. She had been through at least one other program a few years ago and she had high hopes for this program.

Ultimately her problem was probably the demon depression which manifested itself in drinking.

Life is so precious and so fragile.

The economy and Rural Michigan

It is bad. The news tells us of the big problems, the automakers, the banks, the housing market, and they, so far, have ignored the small towns. Well, I’m here to tell you they are hurting.

Our business is in the business of serving the other businesses in our area. We see layoffs, strikes, closures, and slowdowns. Opportunities are drying up and people are holding their breath and wishing for the best. I have never seen other businesses as scared as they are now. People have stopped hiring and they are paring their staffs to essential people.

Our area is also a tourist area and we depend on those visitors to bring needed revenue to our area. The second vacation homes along with  the weekend visits keep many of our people working year around. When things dry up in the cities the discretionary money usually spent in our area dries up as well.

It is February, and February is the worst month of the year for our area even in boom times. Time will tell what the Summer months will bring. I know the factories are hurting and do not see a quick turn around. They will continue to struggle. Our tourist season still gives us hope. Sometimes when times are rough our location helps us attract more tourists. It is a cheap vacation from Lower Michigan and the surrounding states. It is fun and away from home and the costs are less than a trip across the country.

As an entrepeneur I will always have hope. If that isn’t in the definition of an entrepeneur it sure as hell should be. I know I’m still scared but hope will keep me working as hard as I can to succeed. Our business has always shown an ability to change with the times. I have hope the needed changes can be made on a national level to keep things from getting worse. As a nation we have had our head stuck in the sand for years. Change is not only needed it is imperative for the nation to survive. Obama seems to realize this but bi-partisan statemanship is not something we seem to be good at anymore.

Sarah Palin

I feel like I have met a hundred women like Sarah Palin in some ways. Conservative, family oriented women. Strong, religious, hunting, fishing, and snowmobiling women. It seems like they are everywhere and they are very good people. They are fun to be with, they are good with their family, they are honest, good citizens.

But, I really don’t think I want any of them running my country. I don’t want someone who believes creationism should be taught in public schools. I don’t want tomeone who believes their religion is the only religion. I don’t want someone running the country who uses their power to punish others. I don’t want someone who doesn’t believe in evolution. I don’t want someone like Sarah Palin.

This is the United States and we are always taught that anyone can grow up to be President or Vice President. She does seem ambitious. She has accomplished quite a bit in few years in Alaska. She was a City Councilman, a mayor of a town the size of Manistee or Ludington, and took on a corrupt Governor of the State of Alaska finally ousting him and becoming Governor of Alaska herself. Now she is running for Vice President. Wow, a pretty good few years.

But, again, she is a conservative Republican and I don’t feel we need any more of their brand of politics. We have lost our standing in the world and corporations rule this country. What does Sarah Palin bring to this election? Do you believe that John McCain will ask her opinion on anything or sit her in a corner and bring her out for photo opportunities?

Allman Brothers Band

My brother and his daughter are in Denver this weekend for the Allman Brothers Band concert. Double T has befriended Butch Trucks from the band. There is a Google Group for all people with the last name TRUCKS. Double T and Butch became friends through this group and he invited her to come to the concert.

Now, they will be eating Lunch with the band, riding the tour bus to the concert and watching the concert from Backstage. She called me a few minutes ago and wanted me to get a 6:30 flight out of Muskegon so I could be in Denver by 10:00 AM. Unfortunately, other plans and little extra money caused me to say no.

The google groups thing is interesting. The Trucks family had two major branches. One of them went to Ohio and the other went South to the Alabama area. Butch and Derek Trucks are part of the group that went South. It is interesting to see all the other Trucks’. They are a handsome group of people.

If any of you have never heard Derek Trucks you are missing a fine musician. Along with his work with the Allman Brothers band he does fine solo work. My wife used to laugh at me when I said we were related but in some distant cousin way we really are.

I hope the concert is awesome.